Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Work Stories (sooubway)

The following is a transcription of theOdd1sOut video "Work Stories (sooubway)"

I think that everyone at some point in their live should work in a fast food or retail job. Not to work their work ethic or anything, but so that everyone knows what it's like to have that kind of job. They wouldn't work fast food their whole lives, maybe just, like for six months, just so they get a feel for it. So with that, let's talk about the time when I worked in fast food.

I used to work at a very small, local, sandwich shop. I don't know if you guys heard of it, it's called Sooubway? Our spokesperson was in the news recently. I don't know if you guys look at the news. Did you hear he got beat up in jail? I kinda want to meet the person who beat up Jared, more than Jared. Not in person, we wouldn't meet in person, obviously. But like, he would be behind bars, and I would just look at the guy who beat up my spokesperson. How many people get to say they beat up a fast-food icon, who was also a pedophile? Only one, and it's that guy.

Okay, but seriously guys, working at Subway was probably the most easiest jobs out there. I don't know what I'm about to complain about it to you guys. We got free cookies! And you know the comic with the Subways in hell? I was actually working at Subway when I made that comic. I just think it had sort of a little bit of value to it. You see, the owners, who were husband and wife, (can you believe it?) of the Subway I worked at, owned two stores. One of the Subway stores was in a Walmart, on an Indian Reservation, 'cause we have those in Arizona, and the other Subway, was the Subway I worked at. And since the Walmart store was always busy, the owners would spend 99% of their time at that store.

So I don't really have a boss, most of the time. On the off-chance that the owners did show up, they would just pick up some food and they would make sure I was making sandwiches the right way. And every time I made a sandwich in front of them, they would always find something wrong with it, without fail. You put on too many olives. Do you know according to the Subway formula, you're only supposed to put 6 olives on a footlong? Six! One for every other bite. That's just ridiculous! Can you imagine someone just counting out 6 olives? Nobody does that!

I usually worked the closing shift, and at the end of the night we would turn the alarm, and we would have 60 seconds to get out of the store. But one time, I had the opening shift, so I unlocked the door to get in with my key, and the alarm went *beep* *beep* meaning I had 60 seconds to turn if off. No big deal, right? I turned the alarm on all the time when I was closing. So I go to the little control panel, and I type in the code, and nothing happens. The beeping is still there and the clock is still ticking down. So I go, "Okay, I'm going to press each button very carefully. I"m going to make sure each button makes a beep when I press it." *beep* *beep* *beeeeep* Nothing still happens. So, I go, "Okay! I'm going to make sure to press each button, very carefully." and I start thinking, did they change the pass code without telling me? Was the only passcode I know, so we're just gonna try it again. And I press each button, very carefullly. *beep* *beep* *beeeeep* and it goes quiet, AND THEN THE ALARM GOES OFF! I still had, like, 20 seconds left, but I guess when you get it wrong 3 times, it automatically assumes that you're a burglar.

So while the alarm is going off, I look on the contact sheet for the owner's cell phone number, I step outside, I call him, and he doesn't pick up. So I go back inside, find the number for the other Subway store, they open an hour before we do, someone picks up with their stupid voice, "Oh thank you for calling Subway, I'm (gibberish) how may I help you?" and I go, "Hey, is Mike there?" That's not his real name guys, don't worry. And they go, "Um, just a minute."

Yeah sure I have all the time in the world. The cops might be on their way, but take your time.

So, Mike picks up.

"Hey, Mike, this is James. Uh, what's the passcode for the alarm?"
"Who is this?"
"It's James. What's the passcode?"
"What are you doing there James?"
"I have the opening shift."
"Is the alarm going off?"
"Yeah, no one told me the new code."
"Yeah, we changed it. It's the last 4 digits of your social security number." (it's different for everyone.)
"Oh, oh. Okay, thanks Mike."


So I finally get the alarm off, no one showed up, thankfully. Which I don't know if that's a good thing or not, now that I say it out loud.

We did have a store manager who would, like, make the schedule and sometimes tell us, "hey can you guys do a better job at... your job?" But other than that, she was cool! She watches my videos, and so do her little brothers, they're big fans. Shout out to Ivan and Andy. Those are her brothers.

So, get this, at Subway, you only work with one other person. Just you and them in an empty subway for 5 hours. I mean, we weren't, like, empty all the time. Okay? And when you're not making sandwiches, you have other stuff to do like, stocking the chips or ... we had stuff to do. But okay, we did watch a lot of Netflix and do homework, so I mean (gibberish).

That other person you work with, would make or break your entire shift. It wasn't the annoying customers. I kinda got used to annoying customers. So I worked with a lot of crappy people. And I also worked with a lot of people who I would probably never become friends with except in a work setting.

You see, you gotta understand the type of people who got jobs at Subway. Potheads. Most of them are potheads. And some of them are really cool! I'm just gonna go over a couple of the characters that I worked with. There was Tyler, I freakin love this guy. He smoked a lot of weed. He actually told me what vaping was, and he got me into Clash of Clans. I actually mentioned him and his girlfriend in my riddles video. I don't know if I ever told him that. And of course I have to mention Corey, he was cool. We watched "How to get away with murder" on Netflix, I've also hung outside with him outside of work.

What him and Tyler had in commons is that they would actually do their job, which you gotta appreciate.

Then there was this guy, get this, who was also named Jared. And he was fat! I know, right. He's like... Jared, but before! He loved Marvel, and that's like, the only thing he would talk about. I can say these things. He doesn't watch my videos. There's Sarah. She was cool. She make me a bread bowl, and her boyfriend Jay. He talked about Chakras and third eyes, he was, ... interesting.

And also, there's Anthonee, he's cool. What's up Anthonee!

For the one hundred thousand sprinkles video, I actually went back to Subway to use their scale because I knew they had one, and we counted five hundred sprinkles again just to be more accurate for the hundred thousand, and Anthonee halepd me count. Instead of working. I mean, at least he got paid... minimum wage for it. So, two more stories before I go.

One time, Jared asked me to take out this pile of trash, and I was like, "Oh, okay, I'll just put this pile of trash in the dumpster." And as I was taking it out, I saw that there was a chip poster in the pile. And I thought, "This is too cool to throw away. I'm going to keep it." So I took it home with me, and then the next day, when I went in, people were saying, "oh, where's the chip poster? We can't find the chip poster! We ha- we haven't seen it anywhere!" And I'm thinking, "I have the poster." I decided not to tell anyone that I had the poster, and it's still hanging up in my room. Sorry boss if you're finding out about this now.

Okay, then the other story, I was working with the manager and we were just making sandwiches like usual, and I noticed that when we toasted a sandwich, it would burn the paper a little on the edges. "That probably shouldn't be happening." So, then a customer asks for just bacon toasted. And the boss lady put some bacon on paper, and then puts it in the toaster. And we don't have a setting for just bacon. So then when she opens the toaster, there was a fire, on the bacon. So then she starts to whack it with the little, metal, tray thing, but all she ended up doing was fanning the flames, making the fire bigger.

"You got this right?"

Then I went in the back and got the fire extinguisher and I actually used it! I singlehandedly saved that Subway. Wait. What have I done?

"Is it okay if the bacon's a little crispy? and has nitrogen and carbondioxide stuff on it?"

Wow, I didn't even mention a single bad customer experience. Well I don't want the video to be too long, I should make a part 2. I'm gonna make a part 2 and it's just gonna be stories about annoying customers that I had to deal with. And if anyone I used to work with is watching, and I didn't mention  you, it's because I hate you.

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