Friday, December 16, 2011

Life Pro Tips


  • Be attractive. Don't be unattractive. (thanks earsofglitter)
  • Don't EVER stick your dick in crazy.
  • Masturbate before any moderate life event/decision.
  • If you want something, you have to ask for it.
  • Delete Facebook, get lawyer, hit the gym, join credit union.
  • Get a fucking tongue scraper. (beefytits wanted this near the top)
  • No one knows what the fuck they're doing
  • Fake it 'till you make it usually works
  • Buy quality products that you will use a lot. They are an investment.
  • No one is keeping track of the mistakes you make.
  • Get to know your parents before it's too late.
  • Respect is earned, regardless of status.
  • People are far more like you than unlike you.
  • Start saving NOW.
  • There are money "hacks" (/r/frugal).
  • Ignore the trolls.
  • Learning how to cook is an incredibly valuable skill.
  • If you bake stale tortilla chips in the oven at 300deg for 5 minutes, they'll be crispy again.
  • You don't have to be nice, just don't be a douchebag.
  • If she invites you up for coffee, it's not coffee.
  • Body language makes a huge difference.
  • Sleep in multiples of 90 minutes to not wake up tired.
  • Spend time with people worth spending your time with.
  • Showerbeer is amazing.
  • Be friendly with janitors, secretaries, yard workers, etc.
  • People remember you giving them a birthday gift when you didn't have to. AmazonPrime is free for students (free two day shipping on a lot of stuff).
  • Use sunscreen.
  • Don't ever talk to cops (thanks raziphel)
  • Don't try to make grilled cheese in the toaster. (thanks stickysodagun)
  • "Today you, tomorrow me" goes a long way. (thanks UrMomsA_ThrowAwayAct)
  • If you loan money out to friends, don't expect to get it back.
  • Fisting yourself in a public park is generally frowned upon.
  • Anything can be explained like you're five. (thanks osiris32)
  • Kill spiders with fire. Or nuke them from orbit. (thanks Volgyi2000)
  • Peeing in the shower is amazing and saves time.
  • Rocking back and forth while pooping is pro. (thanks jymi1313)
  • For the love of the great spaghetti monster use the Reddit Enhancement Suite (thanks yodamaster103)
  • Fuckin ice soap.
  • Tip well, if you can afford it. Imagine you are the poor delivery guy.
  • Use www.rainymood.com if you need sound to help you focus (I do for studying)
  • Use flux to protect your eyes at night
  • Freeze bananas and THEN put them in smoothies for maximum results
  • Cats with a side of boobs are the ultimate karma mine
  • Always leave a note
  • Don't forget to bring a towel
  • Get off the couch and make your body better. /r/fitness is a great place to start
  • If you need motivation, check out [6] /r/getmotivated - a fantastic supportive community
  • Subscribe to /r/lifeprotips
  • Breaking Bad is perhaps the best drama I've ever seen. Great TV show. check out /r/breakingbad (thanks edify)
  • If you don't want to end up in the friend zone, you should make your intentions clear from the beginning. www.pinklab.com [NSFW]
  • Treat yourself well. Celebrate the little victories.
  • The "Wadsworth Constant" - skip the first 30% of a YouTube video to skip the annoying intro shit. You can actually add &wadsworth=1 to the end of a youtube url to do it auto
  • Get AdBlock (google it for your browser)
  • Don't be that guy.
  • Bacon makes everything better
  • There actually are loving an caring people in the world.
  • Watching the news too much will usually depress you and give you an unrealistic view of the world.
  • Fox News is biased as fuck. I don't care what your political affiliation is, its not a reliable source.
  • Prepare for the worst, hope for the best
  • Reddit is primarily consists of a demographic of younger college-aged males. It is NOT the end-all be-all of the viewpoints on the internet, and things often turn into circlejerks pretty fast.
  • Floss like a boss
  • Forgive, but do not forget.
  • People remember compliments.
  • It doesn't matter if you fall down, as long as you get back up.
  • What shoes you wear says a lot about you.
  • Wipe nut to butt.
  • Admitting you made a mistake will earn you respect and speed up the fixing process. Having an ego solves nothing.
  • Talk it out with your SO.
  • Make the first move.
  • If she cheated with you, she will cheat on you.
  • Are you tired? Run faster!
  • Don't be a little bitch. Do it. Right now.
  • Never fucking buy an HDMI cable that costs more than $20
  • Soda is perhaps the worst value you can buy at a fast food place, and offers no nutrition.
  • For coffee, a french press is the way to go. Seriously.
  • Socks are lube for pants.
  • There's always money in the banana stand.
  • Both religious people and athiests want you to be happy. They just have different views on how to be happy.
  • Man code: No talking while pooping. Eyes forward at the urinal.
  • Here's another list of awesome insight from Reddit! Here (thanks Padre_Pedro)
  • Place a clean towel on your pillow every night to help cure acne.
  • You have two ears and one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak.
  • You can supress your gag reflex by squeezing your left thumb.
  • To cool down a hot car quickly, open the passenger side door and open and close the driver side to vent the hot air out.
  • It's easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
  • Asking for help is not the same as whining like a little bitch.
  • Never go full retard.
  • Tell people that you appreciate them.
  • Be kind to people who work in retail and food service.
  • Thank you cards for gifts go a long way.
  • Measure twice, cut once.
  • Use [Dropbox](www.dropbox.com) It's free for 2GB!
  • By request: Firefly and Arrested Development are fantastic TV shows. You will not be disappointed.
  • When in a street fight, there are no rules. Go for their groin/eyes/neck. Whatever gets you out safely.
  • Native American alarm clock: Drink a glass or two of water and you'll wake up just from the fact that you gotta piss.
  • Never promise crazy a baby.
  • Safety razors are pro.
  • You are not alone. You are never alone.
  • Don't ever go to Reddit for advice
Thanks for a great year, Reddit!

[via reddit]

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